I'm sad that the snow will be great riding snow but since I return to work in the morning I won't get to play in it, blah!!!
I'm sort of struggling at the moment with absolutely NO reason to do so!!! I'm thinner than I've ever been in my life and in great shape yet at least a couple times a year I go into psycho weight freak out mode, which is upon us now :( I eat less workout to an extreme level and its just bad, last time this happened people at work had a little " intervention" on me because I was borderline anorexic... I lose weight but I don't understand why I must have this fight with my inner demons when I'm actually quite happy with my health and appearance :/
I have no reason to be sad or depressed, I have a wonderful life complete with horses, cats, an amazing husband with a beautiful home, wonderful friends, yet I want to curl in a ball and cry... Wtf! I see my St. John's wort being in full use this month, since it helps me appear happier and actually improves my happiness level :)
I did color my hair again which I totally love, glad I went a little redder I've been dying to try a red tone for years :)
Anyways on a lighter note my mare is SO pregnant and Benny is a dirty bad horse who likes to roll in all the mud he can fine, but I love them so they keep me sane :)
I also cannot wait for my jewelry to come in, I've been pouring over the magazines deciding what I want next but for now looking forward to my recent purchases!!!
Pics of snow to come if we get any
Do you tend to have a harder time in Jan/Feb/March with feeling low and depressed? I'm bipolar but I also have SAD too - maybe you struggle with a little seasonal affective stuff too. I am at my worst during those months. I also had no idea you were boarding on anorexia at a point - i have had three boughts of it in my life where I was hospitalized, but I have also struggled with purging for years since my teens.
ReplyDeleteFor the record, you look amazing, Courtney ... But I would be oblivious to say that we both don't struggle mentally with ourselves on perfection, on trying to love ourselves, and that entails accepting that some imperfection is in fact perfection. That's so hard for me because I see my flaws and weaknesses as personal failures, not something to embrace or try to improve without hurting myself more in the process. I am not sure if you feel the same way, but that's one of my biggest struggles along with control issues.
We saw Mr Benny out eating his hay as we dropped off a bale and filled water .... He's so big and fluffy, I love it! Horses and animals give such comfort, such unconditional love, and I believe the Universe sends certain ones to certain people to help and to comfort.
I am so excited for the jewelry too, I cannot wait for my necklace and ring! I hope to see you soon, and you are absolutely in my thoughts and prayers right now as I empathize and sympathize with how you are feeling. Just keep your head held high, try to eat as best you can, and exercise as best you can (I have low energy this time of year, not sure if you have this prob too).
Please remember to text or call me if you are really struggling - we can hang out, have a drink, go shopping, whatever, and give our minds a break!
Thank you for letting me know I'm not alone, this is one of my worst times of year (late winter/early spring) my energy is usually good which makes my over-doing works easy to achieve. But Robert is good about making me eat at least airtime even which I don't want to, he's very helpful and patient when I'm like this but I find it hard to let him in on how crazy I feel so I'm happy to have a friend like you that u sweats do and won't judge me on my craziness.
ReplyDeleteI've borded in anorexic several times none I've ever been hospitalized but bad enough for work friends to step in and say something which made Robert really get on my butt about it which helps but then I just try to do it more and hide it which just creates more issues... Sigh hopefully I won't go too far this season and can relax and just stay fit and healthy without the drama or not eating in fact last year was the first time I ever purged which freaked me out bc I've never even thought of it before and I've been trying hard not to do that anymore