In a blink

In all reality our lives are but milliseconds in time, while we feel the universe revolves around us which couldn't be further from the truth. Which is why we must chase and follow the dreams we want, because time is short as it is and waiting to pursue happiness could be meaning it will never come at all.
Today may seem like the hardest day you've ever faced, but even so if it is the worst day then it can only get better. We only have this life, to live, love, learn and understand what we were placed here to do. Because it what will seem like nothing at all this life will be over and behind us, how do you want to remember it and what do you wish to leave behind.
Sometimes I feel like hanging my hat and saying screw it all! But I can't I have to keep fighting for what I want out of life and what I need to experience to look back and appreciate all this time I've had to enjoy, perhaps that's why I always seek perfection knowing I don't get a do over. Human beings can be truly amazing, think of what we've done where we've gone and what we can accomplish, while I've seen what the worst of society can bring, having faith in the decent and the good is what makes me think a future exists for me as well, maybe even a really great one, things have certainly changed but maybe soon it will be better

Karma got it wrong

So today among many other things to do a friend called needing help moving to her new place, I was able to squeeze in a few hours to help her and as soon as my morning horse chores were done I proceeded to her old place...
So as we arrive at the new house I parked on the curb and another friend of hers pulls his small truck and trailer around and smashes into my car, I hit the horn but it was too late :/ ugh the damage isn't very bad but I went into a panic mode for about 20 minutes just because its never fun to have a car hit no matter how simple... So after my little rage he called the insurance and I'm scheduled to take my car in tomorrow fast service thank goodness just a pain in the butt.

So my good deed for the day left me with a hole in my bumper wtf karma ??

On a brighter note my friends place is very cute! Plus it has an indoor pool that will be getting a lot of use this spring/summer :D

I made Robert jalapeño poppers today as he has been craving them, but I had a salad with very little raspberry vignette so success for me, oh I did have a fruit smoothie earlier plus lots of water.

Ill probably start using my Itworks Wraps again and start selling them for spring & summer as I did last year I love their stuff and already have more orders lined up :) perfect for skin tightening after weight loss *love*

So I'm off to class, spring break is all over, then a much needed coffee date in the morning and horsey time, perhaps karma will be kinder in the morning!

When I see results it gets worse

Ok so I'm in the middle of a big struggle, I don't condone EDs but hey in this day and age the percentage is high amount men and woman... My fight is for myself I could care less of what others think but it's like I owe it to myself and can only be internally happy if I reach a certain expectation.
A great friend of mine said it best in her blog that writing and talking about it is the best therapy there is, plus to me it's a way from hopefully not going too far!
I've also started using an app that tracks weight, food, drink and exercise.. Lol it tells me I eat too little and workout to much but sadly that only increases my goals and keeps me trying for more.

I've never taken pictures like this but for at least therapy reasons it a decent idea, so an old photo and a couple from the morning on my transition I feel very happy today but hell why not I feel so light today!

Struggles and successes

With spring/summer on the horizon I am feeling that annual need for body perfection, I love to go riding, swimming, hiking , camping ect. I also love shorts and bikinis and cute tees! BUT that also means that I'm overly judgmental of my body, ESP with us most likely going to Vegas again this year as we usually do which spurs even more from my inner voices because of the need to look amazing on my husbands arm! As much as I try to be reasonable it's almost impossible so sorry for my lack of posting, been fighting these internal demons.

On a really awesome note my mare hot rod is on month 8 of her pregnancy and I'm so over joyed about the baby, makes everything better to think of baby horse that will soon be here!

So here's a picture of me and my prego mare, hoping the rest of march brings happiness and success in all aspects of life!

Preparing for a blizzard among other things

So apparently the Texas panhandle is getting another winter blast tonight to include lots of snow! Fine with me but I'm not to excited about the wind with this storm, 50 mph no thank you!!!
I'm sad that the snow will be great riding snow but since I return to work in the morning I won't get to play in it, blah!!!

I'm sort of struggling at the moment with absolutely NO reason to do so!!! I'm thinner than I've ever been in my life and in great shape yet at least a couple times a year I go into psycho weight freak out mode, which is upon us now :( I eat less workout to an extreme level and its just bad, last time this happened people at work had a little " intervention" on me because I was borderline anorexic... I lose weight but I don't understand why I must have this fight with my inner demons when I'm actually quite happy with my health and appearance :/
I have no reason to be sad or depressed, I have a wonderful life complete with horses, cats, an amazing husband with a beautiful home, wonderful friends, yet I want to curl in a ball and cry... Wtf! I see my St. John's wort being in full use this month, since it helps me appear happier and actually improves my happiness level :)
I did color my hair again which I totally love, glad I went a little redder I've been dying to try a red tone for years :)

Anyways on a lighter note my mare is SO pregnant and Benny is a dirty bad horse who likes to roll in all the mud he can fine, but I love them so they keep me sane :)

I also cannot wait for my jewelry to come in, I've been pouring over the magazines deciding what I want next but for now looking forward to my recent purchases!!!

Pics of snow to come if we get any

Horse time

While I haven't posted as often as I'd like, sometimes I'm just so not motivated to do so. Anyways my running and exercising is back in full swing since the evil ovary surgery in December, so relieved to be me again!
Been spending all the time I can with my horse babies and my friends and my wonderful husband! Life is so great right now!

Hot rod is getting plump and more sassy as her pregnancy grows, pushing the 7/8 month mark now!!! Her grain was upped this week and she will be getting her booster shot this coming week, all preparations are being made!

Benny is really coming along and taking his lessons in English riding and jumping in stride!

Love being able to ride with Mandy again, riding with someone you enjoy makes riding even better!

A fresh start

So even though I've been working Benny a few months for an old client ( a very nice way if me to put it!)...now that he's mine and since hot rod is on maternity leave from hard work, Benny is getting a complete new and fresh start! I must say he's coming along wonderfully and is going to make me one heck of an English horse!!! Can't wait until he has a little more finess because he's going to take everyone's breath away!!